If The World Were Like This...

A nice little story from Dave Matthews. Enjoy!


"y'all ever heard of the bonobo apes?
yeah, you have?
(someone yells 'chimpanzees')
they're not chimpanzees
they look kind of like them, but they're not chimpanzees
that's what they thought they were - chimpanzees
until they noticed that they had really big penises and vaginas

and then..then they figured out..they were watching them....
'cause you know chimpanzees are a very rough bunch
they're not like the cute little chimps that you see on tv,
they will kick your ass.

and you know...they are kind of like us...
they are really smart, but they don't talk...
but they will kick your ass...which is kind of like us...

but, the bonobo apes...
they got a much better method of reconciliation....
figuring...you know how to work out things...
like, if you were a bonobo ape
and i was a bonobo ape, young lady,
then if we had an argument,
then to work it out
we'd hook up in a real big way...

but it's not only that way...
it's like two women, two female bobobo apes

(guys in audience start yelling)

i'm really sorry to inform you guys,
but the guys work it out that way, too

so, i'm real sorry...

but anyway, anyway..it's kinda...i just think its really interesting
that they've got these oversized genitalia
they get a little argument and they just rub
they call it gg rubbing
they call it gg rubbing, you see...
they get together and they just wipe that stuff together

there's a couple...they also...
they also, i've seen a couple documentaries on them...
and they also...
they also like to fiddle with their bits and pieces
they figured out that masturbation is a good thing...

so, they got that going for them, too

but there's this one..there's this...
i was watching this documentary
and there's this one bonobo ape
and he's standing on top of a log
he's got a banana
and a big hard on
he's just standing there
and he's like...
he's the king of the world
cause he's got a banana
so he's psyched, you know

then this female bonobo goes to him...
she thought
i want the banana!

so, she went over
and she serviced him.

and he gave her the banana...

i just think we could resolve so many things, you know
if we just did that
just picture some heads of state...
like george bush and bill clinton and, and...saddam hussein...
all gg rubbing up and down
we could work this out, you know...

yeah...
it was just an idea, you know.
get rid of road rage, you know...
get rid of highway killings...

YOU STOLE MY PARKING SPACE!

WELL, GET IN THE BACK SEAT AND I'LL GIVE YOU A BLOW JOB!"


~Dave Matthews--2.6.99