If The World Were Like This...

A nice little story from Dave Matthews. Enjoy!


"y'all ever heard of the bonobo apes?
yeah, you have?
(someone yells 'chimpanzees')
they're not chimpanzees
they look kind of like them, but they're not chimpanzees
that's what they thought they were - chimpanzees
until they noticed that they had really big penises and vaginas

and then..then they figured out..they were watching them....
'cause you know chimpanzees are a very rough bunch
they're not like the cute little chimps that you see on tv,
they will kick your ass.

and you know...they are kind of like us...
they are really smart, but they don't talk...
but they will kick your ass...which is kind of like us...

but, the bonobo apes...
they got a much better method of reconciliation....
figuring...you know how to work out things...
like, if you were a bonobo ape
and i was a bonobo ape, young lady,
then if we had an argument,
then to work it out
we'd hook up in a real big way...

but it's not only that way...
it's like two women, two female bobobo apes

(guys in audience start yelling)

i'm really sorry to inform you guys,
but the guys work it out that way, too

so, i'm real sorry...

but anyway, anyway..it's kinda...i just think its really interesting
that they've got these oversized genitalia
they get a little argument and they just rub
they call it gg rubbing
they call it gg rubbing, you see...
they get together and they just wipe that stuff together

there's a couple...they also...
they also, i've seen a couple documentaries on them...
and they also...
they also like to fiddle with their bits and pieces
they figured out that masturbation is a good thing...

so, they got that going for them, too

but there's this one..there's this...
i was watching this documentary
and there's this one bonobo ape
and he's standing on top of a log
he's got a banana
and a big hard on
he's just standing there
and he's like...
he's the king of the world
cause he's got a banana
so he's psyched, you know

then this female bonobo goes to him...
she thought
i want the banana!

so, she went over
and she serviced him.

and he gave her the banana...

i just think we could resolve so many things, you know
if we just did that
just picture some heads of state...
like george bush and bill clinton and, and...saddam hussein...
all gg rubbing up and down
we could work this out, you know...

yeah...
it was just an idea, you know.
get rid of road rage, you know...
get rid of highway killings...

YOU STOLE MY PARKING SPACE!

WELL, GET IN THE BACK SEAT AND I'LL GIVE YOU A BLOW JOB!"


~Dave Matthews--2.6.99

Don't Forget Them

While it is important that we remember each and every person who died on this date five years ago, be sure to also take a minute out of your day to remember those whose stories you have not heard...


Renee Barrett died on October 18 from injuries she received during the attacks on September 11th. A member of the Metropolitan Community Church of New York, a gay congregation, she is survived by her partner Enez Cooper and her 18-year-old son, Eddie. Barrett escaped the tower critically burned. She later died at Cornell-Presbyterian Hospital.

Graham Berkeley, a native of England who lived in Boston, boarded United Airlines Flight 175 on Sept. 11. His plane was the second to crash into the World Trade Center.

Mark Bingham was a gay passenger on United Airlines Flight 93 which crashed in Pennsylvania. He assisted in defending the aircraft against the attackers and is considered one of the many heros of that day. San Francisco has officially designated September 16 Mark Bingham Day.

Pamela Boyce, 43, was at work on the 92nd floor of the World Trade Center's north tower when it was struck. She is survived by Catherine Anello her partner of 6 1/2 years.

David Charlebois, a member of the National Gay Pilots Association, was the co-pilot of American Airlines Flight 77, the plane that crashed into the pentagon.

Eugene Clark, 47, worked on the 102nd floor of the south World Trade Center tower. He sent his partner Larry Courtney a voice message stating "I'm OK. The plane hit the other tower. And we're evacuating." Clark is still missing. - Victorira Scanlan Stefanakos, Advocate.com

Jeffrey Collman was a flight attendant on American Airlines Flight 11, which crashed into the north tower. He is survived by Keith Bradkowski, his partner of 11 years.

Luke Dudek, 50, worked for Windows on the World as the food and beverage controller. He is survived by is partner of 20 years, George Cuellar.

James Joe Ferguson, 39, was the director of geography education outreach at the National Geographic Society. He was a passenger on American Airlines Flight 77.

Carol Flyzik was a passenger on American Airlines Flight 11, which was the first plane to crash into the World Trade Center towers. She is survived by her partner of 13 years, Nancy Walsh.

Partners of 13 years, Ronald Gamboa, 33, and Dan Brandhorst, 42, were traveling with their 3-year-old adopted son, David were on their way home to Los Angeles from Boston on United Airlines Flight 175 which crashed into the second tower of the World Trade Center.

Sheila Hein, 51, worked at the Pentagon in the U.S. Army management and budget office when her life was taken by American Airlines Flight 77. She is survived by her partner Peggy Neff.

Father Mychal Judge was the Catholic chaplain of the New York City Fire Department who lost his life while ministering at Ground Zero. In June 2002, President Bush signed the Mychal Judge Act which grants federal relieve funds to survivors of 9/11, including same-sex partners. He is also being considered for sainthood.

William Anthony Karnes, 37, who lived within sight of the World Trade Center lost his life the morning of September 11th. He is survived by his partner John Winter.

John Keohane, 41, worked at One Liberty Plaza near the World Trade Center. Keohane died by falling debris. Before his death, Kepohane met his partner Mike Lyons on the street. Lyons later committed suicide on his 41st birthday.

Michael Lepore, 39, was a project analyst at Marsh & McLennon. He is survived by his partner of 18 years, David O'Leary.

Patricia McAneney was the fire marshal of her floor in the first World Trade Center tower. She is survived by Margaret Cruz, partner of 18 years.

Wesley Mercer, 70, worked as a Vice-President of Corporate Security at the World Trade Center. After successfully guiding 3,700 employees to safety he himself fell victim to the tragedy.

"Roxy Eddie" Ognibene worked on the 89th floor of the second World Trade Center tower. He was a member of the Renegades of New York's Big Apple Softball League.

Seamus O'Neal lost his life in the attacks on the World Trade Center. He is survived by his partner Tom Miller.

Catherine Smith, 44, worked on the 97th floor of the World Trade Center tower. She is survived by Elba Cedeno, her partner of six years.

Two Words

I kinda like this one because I tend to be verbose most of the time but this forces me to be concise.

Complete the phrases with two words only!


LIFE
The last person I dated: intelligent, caring (the person I'm with now, that is)
My best friend: fucking hilarious (Matt)
What I want to be when I grow up: career politician
High school: busy, interesting
Life: uncertain, exciting
Where I live: comfortable, safe

THOUGHTS
God: who knows
War: completely unnecessary
Love at first sight: not possible
Abortion: my uterus
The President: dumb shit

PEOPLE
Best friends: Matt, Christina
Craziest: Christine, Sherry
Most organized: Elizabeth, Willis
Weirdest: Nancy, Matt B (but also hilarious)
Most fun: Matt, the girl
Best dressers: Rachel F, Lucy (anyone but Matt really)
Most athletic: Rachel B, Kyla
Smartest: Willis, Christina

TWO THINGS
...to take with you on a deserted island: iPod, Razr
...you never leave home without: cell, wallet
...you never want to hear someone say: "we're done," "i hate you"
...you have a weakness for: puppies, the girl :)
...that make you smile: the girl, Friends
...people say about you: outgoing, funny
...you would never do: kill, cheat

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF...
...someone broke your heart?: move on
...you needed to clear your mind?: walk, swim
...you lost your job?: find another
...you won the lottery?: invest, donate
...someone you cared about moved away?: go with
...you gave a bad first impression?: try again

WHAT I LOOK FOR...
...in a friend: honest, fun
...in a boyfriend/girlfriend: humor, understanding
...in a job: salary, enjoyment
...in life: happiness, love

Crazy Things

So I found this post on Christine's MySpace and I was wondering if I am crazier than her. She scored 103...


Level 1:
(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
(x) done weed
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol

This Total: 5
Sub Total: 5


Level 2:
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 9


Level 3:
(x) snuck out of a parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone out on a blind date

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 12


Level 4:
(x) had a crush on an older person
(x) skipped school
(x) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone/something die

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 15


Level 5:
(x) had/have a crush on one of your MySpace friends
( ) been to Paris
( ) been to Spain
(x) been on a plane

This Total: 2
Sub Total: 17


Level 6:
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
(x) been mosh pitting

This Total: 2
Sub Total: 19


Level 7:
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 23


Level 8:
(x) had a tea party
( ) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up


This Total: 4
Sub Total: 27


Level 9:
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

This Total: 5
Sub Total: 32


Level 10:
( ) used a fake/someone else's ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) killed a snake

This Total: 1
Sub Total: 33


Level 11:
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed/ vandalized
(x) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 36


Level 12:
(x) won a contest
( )been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 39


Level 13:
(x) had/have braces
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had Deja Vu
(x) danced in the moonlight

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 42


Level 14:
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 46


Level 15:
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been around the world
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 50


Level 16:
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins

This Total:5
Sub Total: 55


Level 17:
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) kissed in the rain

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 59


Level 18:
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach

This Total: 5
Sub Total: 64


Level 19:
(x) crashed a party
(x) have traveled 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 68


Level 20:
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed "penis" in the mall/school
(x) swam with dolphins -- coolest thing ever!

This Total: 2
Sub Total: 70


Level 22:
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer/ice cube
(x) kissed a fish -- dolphin
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(x) sat on a roof top

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 73


Level 23:
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done/attempted a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 77


Level 24:
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had/been in a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 81


Level 25:
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have/had more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) gone streaking
(x) been/visit in jail

This Total: 3
Sub Total: 84


Level 26:
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 88


Level 27:
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) made a video
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 92


Level 28:
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair
(x) gone skinny dipping in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house

This Total: 7
Sub Total: 99


Level 30:
(x) Rode a roller coaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
(x) Black-mailed someone
( ) been black mailed

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 103


Level 31:
(x) Been used
(x) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat
(x) bitten someone
(x) licked someone

This Total: 4
Sub Total: 107
My Total: 107


I am four points crazier than Christine. Wow. Um. Not sure what to think of that...

The Last Stop

I'm back from an exciting and interesting trip to Randall's Island, NY to see Dave Matthews Band with Bela Fleck & the Flecktones and David Gray. Even though last year was brutal and we said we'd never go back, we did (much to Elizabeth's dismay). The show was great and the trip was great too, minus a small little parking glitch. We got to hear The Last Stop for the first time ever, and I stood about five feet away from Dave and took some awesome pictures. There was also a kickass fight between some people in our section and some security guards during "Can't Stop." It was awesome! I seriously can't wait to go back.

Dave Matthews talking about wanting to be Tony Robbins while introducing David Gray.

Setlist:

Everyday
Pantala Naga Pampa
Rapunzel
Say Goodbye
When the World Ends
So Much to Say
Too Much
Sleep to Dream Her
Break Free
Lie in Our Graves (Bela Fleck)
Last Stop
Can't Stop
Crush
Jimi Thing (Bela Fleck & the Flecktones)
Louisiana Bayou

---------------------------------

Steady as We Go
Tripping Billies

My Gripe With Hippies

Typically when the summer rolls around, I begin attending quite a few concerts. Each year seems to bring some Dave Matthews Band, along with various other artists that change from year to year. I try to make it my unofficial policy to see at least one new act each summer, and this year I've certainly done so. Earlier this month I was treated to not one but two concerts put on by artists who I had never seen before: Ani DiFranco and the Indigo Girls. Yes, it seems that I've had a bit of a lesbian concert summer, but these artists, who I like and respect very much, have got me thinking.

The audiences at both shows were very similar. While the DiFranco show in Central Park had a smaller crowd than the Indigo Girls show at Wolf Trap in Northern Virginia, essentially the same fans attended both shows. The audiences at both concerts were at least 85 percent female, which didn't bother me one bit. A good portion of these women were also decked out in hippie garb, and as I watched the interactions of these "hippies," I realized how much they bother me.

You see, when most people think of the term "hippie," an image comes to mind of a person or a group of people, each with long hair, peace pendants and tye-dye shirts protesting the continuance of the Vietnam War. A noble cause indeed, as that war was certainly unnecessary, and that is what we picture. But nowadays, with these pseudo, fake hippies, we see nothing of the like. We see people, like those at these concerts, who dress the way the 1960s hippies dressed, but that is the extent to which they are similar to their predecessors. They call themselves hippies, and wrongfully so, for they do nothing more than sit on their asses and smoke maarijuana. They are lazy, and they are giving those from the 60s and the youth of today a bad name. They have taken this amazing concept of young people who care about peace throughout the world and turned it into something terrible.

I think some would be quick to jump to the defense of these new hippies and say today is a different day and a different world. Surely it is, I would be more than willing to concede that, but there are disturbing similarities between thirty years ago and today, not the least of which includes international conflict. These hippies today could be doing so much to advance their peaceful ideals, but they would all just rather steal the fashion sense and mentality of those who came before them and abandon the responsibility they have to the peace movement. They are a disgrace to the name and should not be identifying themselves as hippies. They are slackers, and it's about time we start calling them just that.

The good hippies

DMB Survey

Song of the day: Smooth Rider

Album of the day: Crash

Song that never gets old: #41

Favorite 12-string song: Grey Street

Favorite love song: Lover Lay Down

Song that makes you want to dance: Warehouse

Song you don't understand the popularity of: Where Are You Going

Most underrated song: So Right

Most overrated song: I Did It

Song you like that many others don't: If I Had It All

Biggest pet peeve: people who just stand there at shows

Favorite '06 Song: Can't Stop

Favorite '06 Return: Last Stop

Favorite Cover: Watchtower

We're talking about the version on the album here...

Favorite off R2T: I'll Back You Up
Favorite off UTTAD: Warehouse
Favorite off Crash: #41
Favorite off BTCS: Don't Drink the Water
Favorite off LWS: Sweet Up and Down
Favorite off Busted Stuff: Cptain
Favorite off Everyday: So Right
Favorite off Stand Up: Louisiana Bayou

UTTAD or Crash: Crash

Last Stop or Stone: Last Stop

..34, ..36, ..40, or ..41?: 41

I Did It or Dreamgirl: Hate them both. No, really

Butch Solos, Bartender or Two Step: Bartender

Trey Anastasio or Robert Randolph: Trey! Randall's Island '05

Roi solos or Boyd Solos: Boyd

Water/Wine Jam or Blue Water: Blue Water

Alpine or SPAC: SPAC all the way!

Soprano, Alto, Baritone, Pennywhistle, or Flute: Baritone

Butch or Rashawn: Butch

Member with best style: Carter

Song that pumps you up for a sport/game: Don't Drink the Water

Favorite moment on any concert release or live: "Smile LeRoi!"

One guest you'd want to play with DMB: Neil Young again

Most memorable DMB moment at your own show: Sixth row at Hershey '03

Favorite song off Some Devil: Save Me

One song you'd want DMB to bring back: Sweet Up and Down

Favorite show opener: Seek Up

Favorite regular set closer: Tripping Billies

Favorite show closer: Watchtower

Favorite Dave solo song: Save Me

Top 5:

1 #41
2 Lie In our Graves
3 Don't Drink the Water
4 . Smooth Rider
5. Captain

Bottom 5:

1 Let You Down
2 I Did It
3 Steady as We Go
4 Stolen Away on some street
5 Dreamgirl

..1 reason you love DMB: they are just good

Burn Baby Burn

Last week, the U.S. Senate rejected a constitutional amendment that would ban desecration of the American flag by just a single vote.

While the Senate ultimately made the right decision, why it is that 66 of its members supported such a measure.

The fact that the Senate would even consider such an amendment sends a message to the American people that their elected officials are out of touch with the country.

In a time when nearly 3,000 Americans have lost their lives in an unnecessary war, gas prices are at an all-time high and college graduates are leaving school with an average of $20,000 debt, it is clear that there are more important issues the Senate needs to address.

Throughout this whole debate, Republican lawmakers have stressed that such a constitutional amendment is absolutely necessary because it would serve as a tribute to the men and women who have given their lives for this country. Note that they have given their lives for their country, not merely its flag.

You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest.

This amendment has nothing to do with honoring our soldiers at all. If we want to honor them, we should bring them home, not write into the Constitution that burning a flag is a crime.

Several other members of the Senate have spun the issue in different ways.

From the Senate floor on June 26, Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) compared flag desecration to libel and child pornography, forms of expression he said have no "social value."

"Flag burning is a form of expression that is spiteful or vengeful," the five-term senator said. "It is designed to hurt. It is not designed to persuade."
Fortunately Democrats recognize that the issue is one of free speech and expression and not of anything else.

Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) sided with the 1989 Supreme Court decision, which voted 5-4 in Texas v. Johnson that flag burning was a political statement and that state laws banning it were unconstitutional.

The First Amendment was designed precisely to protect this sort of expression, Leahy said in a June 28 CNN article.

"The First Amendment never needs defending when it comes to popular speech," Leahy said. "It's when it comes to unpopular speech that it needs defending."